Hair today gone tomorrow (hopefully?)

I've been pulling at my hair for the last 10 minutes.

I'm not even angry.

I was just checking to see if it's falling out yet.

Nope, not yet.

Which is normally a good thing.

Except for I buzz cut it last week in anticipation of it falling out, so now I'm obsessed with hair loss. And even though I was guaranteed that I'd lose my hair with my chemo treatments, what if I'm the small percentage of people that doesn't?

Wouldn't that just suck.

Bald by choice?

But I bought scarves and a wig. I've prepared and I'm ready.

I've made plans to be bald.

What is going on?

What?! Cancer doesn't care about plans?

Right, I knew that already. Ugh.

They said 7-10 days after my first chemo dose, my scalp would feel like it was sunburned, and within a few hours it would basically all fall out.

Today is day 11 after chemo and no sunburned feeling yet.

(Perhaps I should've walked more yesterday, it was a really sunny day)

In the meantime I am going to take *another* shower and this time srub my head vigorously.

Smile for the camera

I just realized that in a couple of months both my drivers license and passport expire.

Which is normally not a big deal.

Except for when you're going through chemo and your picture for your ID for the next 5 years will be one of you bald.

Bummer.

More hair loss - this time not by me!

I honestly don't need you to shave your head to show me that you love me.

So don't go home and shave your head for me :)

But, if you do it as a gesture of support, I will take it and blog about it!

Brad decided the best way to celebrate my new hair cut is by having the same one himself.

I guess copying is a form of flattery, right?

He came up with a great idea though, to get all the kids involved. We set up shop in the living room, took the clippers and got the kids to do the trimming.

There were squeals of delight as the hair started falling out in patches. The kids were having so much fun that we actually made a great family memory by shaving Brad's head.

Youngest went first. She was very sure of herself.

The others just sat on the couch and gasped...

Next kid up, first a bit apprehensive.

Then totally going for it and having fun.

Hard to tell who's more nervous, him or her.

Again, took no time to enjoy the process.

Last kid up. He takes his time.

Pauses to smile for the camera.

How excited are they?! Big grins all around.

When we were all done, they looked worried 'do we have to shave our heads too?'

After reassurance from us that they didn't need to, they happily went on their way.

Now, in our household they have both of their parent figures with shaved heads.

I guess it's the new normal.

As worried as I was (and they were) about me loosing my hair and the kids seeing me bald, this week has shown me once again how resilient and fantastic our kids are. They took it all in stride, and understood the deeper meaning behind Brad's gesture. Next time they see someone who is clearly suffering from chemo side effects, maybe in the store or at the park, there will not be that blank stare. They'll have a deeper understanding, a kinship towards them.

My kids make me proud every day.

Being their mom makes me want to beat this even more.

As for me and Brad, if you put our heads together, we may stick like velcro.

They say couples who've lived together for a while start looking like another.

We're proving that to be true.

Things are looking up

I think I'm on the mend.

Today, I don't feel like a 90 year old woman, I feel more like a 75 year old.

That shows improvement.

I'm cautiously optimistic that the pain will start fading, and the joints un stiffen soon and I will be able to walk on my own.

The first 2 days after chemo weren't really that bad, mostly I felt nauseated and crampy. Sort of like my worst period ever combined with pregnancy queasiness.

Brad made bacon for breakfast and I vomited. How's that for a 'thank you?' Not that I didn't appreciate the effort, but the smell sent me over the top.

Then, on day 3 my limbs started feeling heavy and stiff. I felt like I had just ran a marathon... yeah, as if that would ever happen. Still, nothing too disturbing, just sore and uncomfortable.

Until 10 pm on day 3. That is when it shifted from uncomfortable to unbearable. I felt the type of pain I cannot describe accurately. Deep inside my bones. Pain from the inside out. Everything hurt, even my teeth, my guts.

Day 4 remained the same, where I was immobilized still by my body. Walking to the bathroom became a field trip out of bed. It took two of us, and about 10 minutes to walk 5 steps.

This morning is day 5.

I woke up feeling a little better.

Like I said, less like a 90 year old and more like a 75 year old.

I walked to the bathroom all by myself.

That in itself is worth celebrating.

Whew... I have a round head!

We ended up having a lot of fun tonight, all things considering.

Losing hair to cancer is not fun.

Having your head shaved and having your friend take pictures through the process while getting a wig custom made for you was super fun!!

On to the pictures:

This is the "Before" shot - my 'regular' hair.

Here we go - first step.

I'm not happy with the chunks coming out.

Who's NOT a punk Rocker?!

All gone. G.I. Jane style.

Woah. Where did it all go?!

First try with the wig. Way too long.

And waaay too red.

I asked the wig lady to dye the front of it some more brown.

This is after the brown hair dye put in, and more cutting.

Ahhh... that's better. More like my hair.

What do you think? Does it look real?

Chemo Session # 1 is done

So, that was uneventful. I mean, really.

Yawn.

Well not quite 'Yawn' but close. Uneventful. Which is exactly how I like my medical appointments to go I think.

I was a bit nervous, but not that much. I really worked hard on not getting over excited, and it worked. I was (mostly) calm.

Our nurse was great. I think most of them working in oncology are.

She explained everything, went over (the many) side effects, and was patient with all my questions. She poked the port, which I did not feel (Yeay!!) since I had the Emla numbing cream on it all morning. The saline went in first and I didn't feel anything, then went in the Cyclophosphamide (I know, don't even try to say it) and after that, the drug Docetaxel.

This is me getting my 'chemo cocktail' - my nurse is gowned up so she doesn't accidentally spill the 'poison' on herself

(but apparently inserting it into my bloodstream is A-ok!)

For this one, they had me wearing gloves (more like oven mittens) that were in the freezer before. Ice cold, for the whole hour it was going in. This drug is notorious for causing fingernails to lift - yuck - so they do this (if you can stand it) as a profalactic measure to decrease your circulation going to your hands, so that hopefully, you get to keep your fingernails.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could get to keep something?

They've taken so much already.

These are my 'frozen gloves' that I had to keep on for one hour during the second part of the medicine.

Hmmm... notice I was TRYING TO READ? It got excessively harder to flip pages after that :)

I told you, uneventful. I am eating a banana loaf, and really not feeling much at all.

THANK GOD.

So, I am home now, but not for long.

In an hour, me and my dear friend Jessica, are heading out to pick up my new wig.

Woohoo.

Bad news I will have to shave my head for it.

Boohoo.

Now, I'm getting a little flack for this already, for doing it *so* early, so if that is your thought, then just lie to me okay?

I'd appreciate that.

Besides, I can justify my thinking:

My hair is due to fall out in the next 7-10 days. Which means that in a little over a week, I would find clumps of hair on my pillow when I wake up, on the ground as I walk, and in my hand as I brush it.

Talk about traumatic. No thanks.

Since I'm a control freak, my hair loss needs to happen in a very controlled environment. So, off it goes today. Besides, if I were to wait another 7 days, I will be in my 'low blood count' week and I'm not really supposed to be out of the house that much, so I would probably not go and get my hair shaved then, not to mention the wig will probably fit so much better without my mane underneath.

I have ordered one that is similar to my style, so no drastic difference.

I'm not gonna be a redhead after all. So sad. The one time I could have gotten away with it.

I will catch you later when I post some pics of it.

It's tomorrow!

Just wanted to say I'm on my way to chemo tomorrow at 10am.

I am scared, apprehensive, fearful, and frightened.

There might be a pattern in my emotions.

Ya think?

I hope I do well, I don't get sick right away and I hope it doesn't hurt.

Wish me luck.