Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Results are in

I knew it from the very first time I touched that round marble-like lump. I really did. Just like I knew before I peed on a stick 11 years ago, that I was pregnant, I knew that sunday that this lump was no friendly lump.

But, still - there was a sliver of hope left.

Until Friday, January 14th, 2011 when I was sitting in my doctor's office (this time I brought re-enforcements - Brad was there and so was Christine... my BFF - I figured if I was gonna have a total breakdown, these two people would be the ones who'll be putting me back together).

She walks in and you can see it in her face. I know. So does Brad. But we wait. I need to hear her say it.

"It's cancer".

Those 2 words changed my life in less than 10 seconds. I looked at her. She was still talking. I could tell because her lips kept moving. But I didn't hear her. I couldn't hear a word she was saying. Those two words kept ringing in my ear. Over and over.

I don't think I even talked to her. Eventually she left. Then I looked at Brad and my friend and I started crying. They came and surrounded me in a massive group hug and helped me cry.

Then, after a while we stopped crying, and made a pact to kick this cancer's ass. The three of us were gonna figure out a way to do it. I wiped my nose and we headed out of the room.

It was exactly 1:40pm. I had to go pick up the children from school in half an hour.

Brad drove home and I don't think we spoke. I felt like a zombie walking through the school.

It was friday afternoon and I knew I had to tell them that night. I quickly whispered it to both of their teachers as I picked my kids up - they were pretty shocked. I don't think they expected me to just blurt it out like that. I didn't really mean to, but I wanted them to be prepared for monday morning when my two kids would be walking back into the school, forever changed.

1 comment:

Sami said...


I think telling their teachers was a good idea. I was in high school when my mom was diagnosed, and I gave all my teachers a heads up because school was my escape and 1. I would need someone to talk to some days (which I did, and I'm so grateful for those teachers!) and 2. sometimes I would just walk out in the middle of a lecture bc I thought too much and started crying about her or my mom had chemo that day and all I wanted to do was talk to her and I didn't think I should ever be penolized for that! So I found that it was always easier if I was just open about it all.