But, still - there was a sliver of hope left.
Until Friday, January 14th, 2011 when I was sitting in my doctor's office (this time I brought re-enforcements - Brad was there and so was Christine... my BFF - I figured if I was gonna have a total breakdown, these two people would be the ones who'll be putting me back together).
She walks in and you can see it in her face. I know. So does Brad. But we wait. I need to hear her say it.
Those 2 words changed my life in less than 10 seconds. I looked at her. She was still talking. I could tell because her lips kept moving. But I didn't hear her. I couldn't hear a word she was saying. Those two words kept ringing in my ear. Over and over.
I don't think I even talked to her. Eventually she left. Then I looked at Brad and my friend and I started crying. They came and surrounded me in a massive group hug and helped me cry.
Then, after a while we stopped crying, and made a pact to kick this cancer's ass. The three of us were gonna figure out a way to do it. I wiped my nose and we headed out of the room.
It was exactly 1:40pm. I had to go pick up the children from school in half an hour.
Brad drove home and I don't think we spoke. I felt like a zombie walking through the school.
It was friday afternoon and I knew I had to tell them that night. I quickly whispered it to both of their teachers as I picked my kids up - they were pretty shocked. I don't think they expected me to just blurt it out like that. I didn't really mean to, but I wanted them to be prepared for monday morning when my two kids would be walking back into the school, forever changed.