I am as tightly wound as they come. I am 10 minutes early for everything.
I remember appointments months ahead and my personal monthly schedule gets laminated.
(ask anyone who knows me)
That's because I feel the need to be in control at all times, if not of the world around me, then of my actions in it.
I lived that way for 35 years and it suited me just fine.
Until chemo turned my brain to mush.
I have heard of 'chemobrain' - I've been warned by friends who've all had it while undergoing treatment, I've read it on the pamphlets at the hospital that they handed out as one of the side effects and I've ignored all warnings until... it happened to me.
At first, I didn't think I would get it, I thought it was an excuse people made up for being forgetful.
Then, last month it really hit full force. I cannot do the smallest thing, simplest task, if I don't have it written down. There are a million little things I forget or simply misplace, but I will tell you about two recent ones so you see just how far off the deep end I've gone.
Today, I was home alone after dropping off the kids to school.
(I thank my lucky stars I still am able to get this task right -although I've sent them to school once without snacks because I simply forgot to pack them - I've never ever done that before cancer!)
I proceeded to have some cereal for breakfast.
I put the dog outside and I went and grabbed the cereal bowl and the milk.
I poured the milk into the cereal and went to close the cap. Which was nowhere to be found.
I looked on the floor, I looked on the table (which was empty - except for the milk and my bowl) I even looked through the garbage - couldn't find it for the life of me. I had to makeshift a lid out of aluminum foil and some rubber bands and put it back in the fridge.
I'm still puzzled about where it went.
(I can't even blame the dog because he was outside.)
A few weeks ago, I took my dog Jet to the groomers. I dropped him off at 9am and I was supposed to pick him up at 3pm.
At 3:50pm the grooming lady calls the house "Jet's waiting for you". Oh crap. I totally forgot. "I'll be right there" I say, and get into the car right away. I drive directly to Save On Foods (which is a grocery store chain where I live) I get out, and go inside.
Inside Save on Foods I wander the aisles aimlessly. I try to remember what I need to buy. Why I'm there. About 10 minutes later I leave empty handed because I can't remember what I need.
I drive back home.
About 20 minutes later, the groomer lady calls me again. "Are you coming to get Jet?"
Oh my god!
THAT'S where I was supposed to go!
"I'm on my way" - I yell into the phone.
I drive directly there and leave her a big tip.
I kiss my dog and apologize to him for forgetting him.
Then I wait two full weeks to tell Brad the story, because I'm just so darn embarrassed.